I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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