I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
