It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
