Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
