I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
