Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
