one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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