Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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