Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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