i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
