i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
