She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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