careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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