Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
