if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I color on your dick again?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
