the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay