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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (518): View more from New York

  I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (954): View more from Florida

  He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable

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