Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
worst night to have a conscience
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?