I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
