I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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