the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
