i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
