Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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