Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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