Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
