So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
