Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
