I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
