At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
