I have demons in me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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