My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
