Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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