I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize