hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
