Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
