the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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