you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
