we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
