I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
