1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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