If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am available for nakedness
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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