Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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