then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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