When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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