Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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