I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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