my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
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