I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
