I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
