i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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