Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
