How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
