i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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