alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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