dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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