so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
