Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
