WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
