why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My vagina just clenched in fear
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
