I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
