she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
