Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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