if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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