I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
