I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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