This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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