it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
