oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
