Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
