he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
