brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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