MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
