how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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