No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
