I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
