I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
