Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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