The maid of honor just puked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
