Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
