one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
