So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
